Building Self-Confidence in Children
7/15/2002
“I Know I Can’t Do It!”
Why do some children believe that they can conquer the world, while other children doubt their own abilities? Do we put too much emphasis on competition and success? When children go to school, competition is all around them!
“My team is better than your team because we won the championship.”
“I’m better than you because I got an ‘A’ on the test.”
Too often we cheer the winners and forget that for every winner there are many who don’t win. And, too often we judge them to be failures. Children may work hard to win because it earns them praise, but they may totally miss the enjoyment and satisfaction that comes from simply taking part.
How Can You Help to Build Your Child’s Self-Confidence?
It is important for children to be taught that success isn’t as important as getting involved and enjoying it. Eight-year-olds, for example, should be involved in sports for fun, not for championships. This will help them to develop their skills, learn teamwork and appreciate the value of cooperation. Children also need goals that match ambition to ability. To ask an average student to be satisfied with nothing less than A’s in every subject is putting too much emphasis on success. Every child has one or two subjects that are better than the rest. Praise your children for their achievements in those subjects and encourage them for their efforts in the others. Point out to children that what is really important is for them to try. To expect a child who is not athletically inclined to become a champion in sports is also unfair. Encourage them to have fun doing what they enjoy, even if they aren’t very good at it. The goal should not be to win every time.
When children are discouraged, encourage less focus on achievement and more focus on lighthearted enjoyment. Teach them that they don’t have to be good at something to enjoy it. There are many ways to help your children to develop a sense of accomplishment through family games or neighborhood sports just for the fun of it. Household chores, such as tidying a room, washing the car or mowing the lawn are also activities that help children to see that they can perform well and earn recognition.
Set an example. If you have a healthy outlook towards winning and success, your children will probably follow your example. Triumphs and defeats should be expected and accepted. And, don’t hide your own failures. Did you have difficulty with a school subject? Did you make a mistake that cost your team the game? It helps a youngster to see that mom and dad weren’t perfect either. Remember, confidence in children doesn’t come from winning. It comes from a solid foundation of acceptance and love. It also comes from learning how to cope with problems and from mastering them.
