Dealing with Anger
5/19/2003
There are a number of myths about anger, but the one that is perhaps the most recognized and believed is that anger is negative and destructive.
Anger is an emotion, neither positive nor negative, and it is not the problem. We all experience feelings of anger on a near daily basis. There is frustration when someone runs a red light or cuts in front of us in traffic, we get upset with those in the express lane with more than fifteen items, we hear a comment that we assume is about us, a loved one goes against our wishes . . . the list goes on. We all do not act upon anger the same way—not everyone will experience road rage or have outbursts in the grocery store. What we do with our anger is what causes difficulties. Mismanaged anger is a significant cause of strife in our personal and professional lives.
How do you know if this is an area for you to address? Ask yourself: Has your behavior, when angry, negatively impacted your personal or professional relationships? Do you find yourself unwilling to talk with people who have upset you but then explode in different places or onto people you are not angry with? Have you ever been abusive to someone or to yourself when angry? Do you often have angry outbursts? Would you describe yourself as always angry? If you answered yes to any of these questions, consider asking for help with anger mismanagement.
We can accept anger as an emotion, as a part of who we are along with joy, sadness, happiness and other feelings. It will always be there, but you may need to learn how to handle it in a healthier and more constructive manner. Doing so will benefit your relationships, self-esteem, overall well-being and reduce your stress levels. It also results in greater cooperation from others.
Some things to try when you feel your anger starting to build:
- Take deep breaths, exhale fully (count to ten).
- Take a quick walk or a time out and allow yourself time to calm down.
- Talk with someone about your feelings of anger.
- Pick your battles. In other words, is this topic really worth fighting about?
- “Live and let live.” Not everything has to become a battle—learn to let things go.
- Determine levels of severity. How serious is this issue? How much energy does it deserve?
- Listen to what the other person is saying. Ask questions to clarify statements.
- Talk in facts rather than in generalizations.
- Learn to compromise.
